I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
whose ass print is on the piano?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
