I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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