Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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