Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
