You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize