Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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