Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize