I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
