I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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