but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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