My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
