bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
