Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
