Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
