it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
