it wasn't lemon gatorade
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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