Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize