And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
