I think my vagina is haunted
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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