The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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