I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
