my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize