it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
