the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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