forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
