i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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