Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Randomize
