i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
