i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
