this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
