The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize