My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
