If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
