Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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