Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize