finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
