There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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