I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
