Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
