He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My ass is underappreciated
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
