So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
