You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
