I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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