Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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