I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
