My brain says no but my pants say off.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
