Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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