nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
