I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
