well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
