On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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