I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
