BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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