Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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