I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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