The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
