did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
