You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
