North Korea, Best Korea!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
