Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
