honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
