Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
