Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
