i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just want nice things and good sex
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
