it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
