I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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