Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
is that a dick in a sweater?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
