My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Randomize