I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
