moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
