this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
