Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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