Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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