rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
