That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
